As I sit here on Halloween still debating about going out into town, I realize how much I have changed.
I still more than ever want community: lots of friends, good times, social life, and happy hours. Yet a stillness has come over my life where I want meaning not just good times. I have made many memories; now I want a community and plans for the future not just tonight.
One where I don't have to wonder if I'll be invited.
Where I don't have to ask and ask to make plans with someone.
A community where I am valued just as I value others and we choose one another.
October 2009 team!
I want that thing I've been hearing about, first from Michael Hindes, then Ted Hanson, then Andrew Shearman and the other R.I.M. men: covenant relationships.
(if you wanna know who these men are, visit the RIM website here)
I think living the dream comes from sharing the dream God has given each of us. Seth Barnes could not be living his dream of seeing my generation rising up if he had not shared it to help bring it about. Microsoft man Bill Gates could not be where he is today if he had not shared his dream of having a computer in every home. And Mother Theresa had a vision no one would die alone and unloved. For each the dream had to be shared before it could grow. There was only a dream before there was The World Race; just as there was only a vision before there was Microsoft.
So where am I? What could I be sharing right now? And who might I be sharing it with?
At a recent conference at my church Andrew Shearman implored us to "LIVE your life."
It sounds so simple.
Yet I will spend more time worrying about the right thing sometimes than ever actually doing anything. And just imagine God in those times. Does He get antsy? Is He sitting on the edge of His God-sized seat with anticipation waiting for me to make up my mind to LIVE.
To decide. To move. To choose. To speak. To sing.
Man, how I want to live my life.
And the overwhelming thing is: it's my choice.
What am I choosing? Who will I be in covenant with to help me with my dreams as I help with theirs?
I recently was browsing mission trips and the world race website as I often do when my life feels boring and was thunderstruck by one question.
Are you living the life you've always dreamed of?
It was the catch phrase for the World Race which I actually found through a non-affiliated website. Huh. Am I? Am I living out the dream God put in my heart?
My first thought was, "Hey! I already did the world race and I'm STILL not living the life I dreamed of." Then I thought, "what the hell am I doing then?"
2008 was one incredibly hard and wonderfully victorious year. There are relationships that formed there that leave me in longing on my lonely days. "Where is everybody? Why can't anyone live in WA near me?" Then there are the relationships that never quite mended that I find myself thinking of with regret and tempered confusion. "Why couldn't we get past that point? Why did I often feel like an outsider?"
I clicked on the link and went to the WR home page where I browsed the last 100 blogs. There was an update on the October 2009 team that I found myself staring at the team photo. Which person on that team looks like how I felt? Are there other people who know that they know that they know they are supposed to go on this trip and yet will never feel fully connected?
I remember taking our group photos and always feeling... huge. Not like fat or anything, but like I was expanding and I didn't know how to fit in. It is a weird feeling I'll tell you that much.
When I think about how I felt during the WR and now post-WR, during the hard times, I feel a sense of urgency rise up in me for the future squads. How can I find that person who, like me, craves community so deeply that they never seem to arrive?
Michael Hindes once said to me, "It's interesting isn't it? The things we want the very most are the things we have the most walls built up against."
Continued in next blog.
I know it's been a while since I've posted anything, so thank you to those of you still interested in reading blogs from me!
I recently returned from a mission trip to the Apache Nation reservation in Globe, AZ. I went with 6 others to spend the week working to support an Apache man, James, and his wife, Esther, who are former members of the church/school I attend here in Bellingham, WA. The Apache have become very untrusting of outsiders over time, so much of what our church does is to simply be a presence on and around the reservation. To let the people there see constant visitors from Abundant Life Church in WA. It was an interesting trip because it really was not about me, Meredith, visiting them; it was about members of our community joining in what their community is doing.
Here are some of the homes on the reservation. I was not expecting this, but many of the Apache have become entrenched over generations in a poverty mindset. The bleakness of the landscape only seemed to mimic the hearts of many of the people.
As I mentioned, the Apache have become wary of outsiders and even of each other. I suppose in my mind I figured that they would still live the way I have been taught they used to live: harmonious, tribe-reliant, and tribe-sufficient. Today, though, after years of oppression, they live very segragated lives. According to James, there is not much interaction between different family groups or even neighbors.
One thing I enjoyed was that they are a story telling people group. In this picture Esther was sharing the story of how she and James met. This scene was often experienced because you had to take a seat whenever you asked anyone a question. They would weave a whole story of background details, thoughts, feelings, even a description of what they weather or day was like.
Another reason I really enjoyed this is that I felt more listened to than I have in a long time. When an Apache is telling a story, no one says much until the very very end (even though it may seem like they are done about 5 times, trust me, they aren't). And they extend this same listening discipline to everyone. When they asked me a question I felt like I could say everything that I wanted to say. Often when talking, even with my teammates, I feel (and I'm sure most know what I mean) like I have to get to the point and hurry up because someone is waiting for their split second to jump in with two cents. We like to talk quick and get to the point. That is Not how Apache function. There is a freedom in conversation to speak one's piece and be heard.
Below is Tracy, our fearless leader; Me and Laurina.
One awesome event was that we were invited to a little girl's birthday party. What an honor it was to be invited in to a family gathering. Tracy has been coming every year to AZ and the people have truly come to know and appreciate him. We were very excited to be invited to partake in a family event as outsiders (white ones in particular) are not often invited.
This is Brother McCay. He had an intense testimony of being with the Lord and also years spent wandering. He had to have part of his leg removed because of nerve damage due to diabetes. Diabetes has a huge presence on the reservation, even in the youth. Brother McCay is a quiet man who came each night to the tent revival we were attending at Seven Mile.
Here is a picture of the tent where the revival took place nightly. This was the most interesting cultural experience. Each night they would blast at bleeding-from-the-ears volume (don't worry Mom, I wore ear plugs!) to draw in the neighbors. The music was deafening but it worked. Folks would be driving down the road and literally stop and reverse to pull into the parking lot. Here is where it got interesting. After they parked in the lot, many people would not get out of their cars. Instead, they rolled their windows down and simply listened from their vehicles. The preaching was also deafening but they could hear it in the cars because when the pastor said something they agreed with they would flash their lights and tap their horns! The Pastor each night would constantly extend invitations for them to come under the tent, and some would, but the cool part was that even thought most of them would stay in their cars, people still got saved and would come out to receive prayer!!
This is Mount Baker from the plane. These are the San Juan Islands off the coast of WA.
This was a surprisingly cross-cultural experience but one that I would highly recommend seeing as how the history of Native Americans is incredibly dense and so many people living on reservations have lost a lot of hope for the future. They simply live on the reservation, get their utilities free, land free, and a check every month. There is a lack of purpose. The awesome part is that many of them are hungry for hope and I love that i know the God of hope. Jer 29:11-12 says, "For I know the thoughts I think towards you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you." When the pastors at the tent preached hope and restoration, the people responded. It was beautiful to see people tapping in to the God of hope, and peace, and a future. God, bless the Apache with the knowledge of who You are.
If you're just tuning in, I am pleased to present these photos as part of the recap tour to my supporters. Please enjoy this installment of Iquitos and Nauta (where we lived on a boat on the Amazon for two weeks).
Here's Caroline. She is such an awesome servant and truly loved in each place we went to. Notice the street and houses. On rainy days I usually opted to simply not wear shoes. When it is so muddy all they do is get dirty and they are much harder to wash off than my bare feet.
The river was a busy thoroughfare with people using both motorized canoes as well as still using handmade paddles. Also, there were many traveling islands that floated by. As I'm sure my squadmates well remember. We also saw the allusive pink dolphins which were actually pretty creepy!
This is the view off the back off the boat. Our neighbors loved to jump in and float down the river past us before scrambling up the bank, running back, and jumping in again. Notice the roofing.
Here are some of the creatures I'd never seen before. This boy told me he had just found this young anaconda in the jungle. I don't even know what I'm holding??? We also saw a young capybara, the largest rodent in the world. And even the cutest little baby sloth! I never did get a copy of that photo though. The little guy was hanging onto a bunch of bananas a man had harvested from the jungle.
Here is our boat the Good Samaritan (El Buen Samaritano) docked at the headwaters of the Amazon when we went on a day trip. The water was deep enough here that we jumped off the roof of the boat. Good times were had by all!
I knew I had more photos from Peru that were never posted, so here is Southern Peru 1.5. Enjoy!
We brushed our teeth with bottled water. Some people found out the hard way that this was necessary and had the runs for the first week or two!
The big black tub on the left side kept our shower water. It was black so the water got warm during the day. The yellow bucket Robbie is using was for washing hands, flushing toilets, face washing, showers... At some point the big black container was cleaned out only to discover little worms lived in it. (!) They weren't kidding about closing your mouth when you shower.
Here's my teammate Matt. He had an awesome kids/sports ministry. I also wanted to include this picture to tell you to notice the background. Tarp walls, stick supports, the dog on the ground (probably unowned and COVERED with fleas). These people used to live in homes, real ones, that were demolished by the earthquake/ensuing flood.
Here's Kelton in the act of eating by headlamp. A WR custom. We did this in at least 4 countries that I can think of. I can't remeber what the yellow stuff, most likely potatoes, is that he's eating, but the pink was this kind of cabbage salad. It was always a treat when they made us jello. Though it was usually mostly frozen and the parts that weren't frozen were still liquid--none-the-less it was surprisingly enjoyable.
This is one of my favorite pictures taken all year. Rachel Hunt took this while we were lost looking for Canchamana.
I hope you enjoy these photos. I plan to share many more on upcoming blogs. I simply want to honor you all who followed my journey last year and since I can't sit down with all of you (!) I wanted you to see some of what I saw.
Enjoy!
With Love,
Meredith
This wall constituted our only shade until a few weeks in when we set up a huge tent.
Doing laundry
Watching the Super Bowl in Peru! (Singing the national anthem)
So that was Chincha Peru is the smallest sense. We lived in our tents--5 weeks in a flea infested desert. Took bucket showers, hand washed clothes, lead children's camps, befriended the locals, paid about 27 cents for a soda or ice-cream, spent afternoons in homes made with sticks and tarp roofing, brought in an exterminator, worshipped loudly, cried, had extreme initiation into community, and loved it all.
Look for Photo Gallery 2: Northern Peru Coming Soon!
Well, a few months have gone by and I wanted to share an update on what I'm doing post-race. I have moved to Bellingham, WA to attend a school taught by Pastor/Prophet Ted Hanson and guests. It is called the School of Eagles and runs out of Ted's church.
So, I went from adventure to adventure always leaving behind the things I have come to know, but am excited when looking forward. So far I have been here for two weeks and already I have realized some growth has happened.
Bellingham, WA
The Lord has truly been growing me in the gift of prophecy beginning last year on the race and now here in Bellingham. I am still astounded daily by just how much the Lord is trying to speak with us. Pastor Ted describes prophecy this way (or at least this way in MY own words!):
In life there is a spectrum of light. Obviously there are light waves reaching our eyes every moment. Outside of what we can see, there is a continuation on the spectrum into the waves that we cannot see. On one end UVA and UVB, and on the other end infra-red, radio waves, and microwaves. (If we could see all the stuff bouncing off us and around us at any given time it would probably make us more crazy than we already are.) So, when we prophesy it's like we are tuning in to the frequency of God's voice.
The Bible reads that God's thoughts for us are more numerable than the sands.(Psalms 139:18) Did you get that? He didn't say the sand on the seashore or the desert or the rivers. His thoughts outnumber THE sand. I am 26 years old, on my 27th birthday I will have been alive for 9,855 days. So, right now in my life we're looking at around 9,700 thoughts. But I'm sure God thinks about us more than once per day, right?
So, think about a cubic foot of sand. Then think about counting each grain... and that's just ONE cubic foot of all the sand in the whole world. When we tune in to God's frequency we realize that He is thinking about us, each of us, constantly and continuously.
Prophecy is the act of tuning in to God's frequency for others to encourage and provide direction, though we must weigh the words given to us with the Holy Spirit, God's voice is present and available to us.
Here is a definition of prophecy: God speaks, life happens.
School is four months long and involves a mission trip to an American Indian reservation. I'm looking forward to all of it!
Maybe you're sitting behind the computer screen
contemplating reasons why you should go on the World Race.Here are ten reasons for you:
1.You learn
who you are.Going on the World Race
introduces you to the person that God wants you to be.You won't necessarily be the Jack Bauer or
Indiana Jones of missionaries, but you'll definitely learn what the heart of
God is and how He wants to use that to show you who you need to be in the
Kingdom.And let's face it - you're more
than just another employee slaving away in a cubicle, or a student going
blindly into the 'real world' after college.
2.You get
to see the world.Surely somewhere
within you there's a desire to see the world.Most people think it's only a fantasy or a fairytale, but let's be
honest, with God anything is possible.The
World Race takes you to over ten different countries across four different
continents... and God pays the bill, not you.Plus you can tell everyone you've been to Africa.
3.You can't be labeled a boring Christian.Most people think that Christianity is kind
of a drudge and there's propaganda everywhere claiming that.Well, thankfully, you don't have to be a
boring Christian.Twenty-four hour bus
rides through the African bush is anything but boring, and feeding orphans and
widows is a lot more adventurous than people give it credit for.But there's only one way to find out.
4.You will
change the world.This isn't meant
as a joke - you really will change the world.For each life you touch and empower with the love of God, they in turn
will touch a life.It's just like the
pay-it-forward principle, only with Jesus and love.It's pretty cool.This gets engrained into your everyday life
when you go on the World Race.Maybe
along the way you'll change the life that's going to find the cure for AIDS.
5. You learn to hear God's voice.Seriously, God still talks.There are a lot of rumors going on out there
that He has a British accent and that He even talks in Spanish.Moses and Jesus weren't the only ones who had
an 'in' with God; you do too.Going on
the World Race perfects your ear for His voice
6.You get to
learn the things you didn't learn in Sunday school.What if, hypothetically speaking, they didn't teach you something in Sunday
school?Would you know what is?Because on the World Race, they know what you
didn't learn... and they're willing to teach it to you.
7.You'll raise
the dead.You really will raise the
dead... literally and figuratively.There
haven't been any reported cases of World Racers raising the literally dead yet,
but maybe you will be our first.It's been prophesied... are you it?
8.Learn
about the Matrix.Maybe the
Wachowski brothers were onto something when they created that infamous movie
back in the late 90's.What if you
really are living in a reality that isn't really reality?If you've ever wondered if there's something
behind everything you see, you should check out the World Race - swallow the
red pill and see how far the rabbit hole goes.
9.You learn
what community really is.Relationships can only go so far with people
when you're sharing just a dorm room for nine months.Community runs a lot deeper than a dorm
room.Living life with a group of people
united in purpose and Truth changes things - like the world.Explore the heart of Acts community and see
it come to life through relationships that you'll maintain even after the World
Race.
10.Pursue
the dream God's planted in you.Sometimes
there are dreams we have in life that get crushed by your typical 9-5
obligations.The World Race helps awaken
your wildest dreams and plants a picture in how they can fit into the
Kingdom.Do what you love doing while
seeing God's Kingdom come to life through your life.
So what's it going to be?You're sitting on the edge of something great and it's as easy as
applying.This is more than a mission trip. Go on the World Race and
change your life and others'.There's
something more out there... are you willing to look for it?
"Bah! I am SO angry!" I jerk about and throw the words from my mouth.
"You're not pretty." he whispers.
"Man, I look terrible today." I drop my face as these words spill over my lips.
"You are a jerk." He whispers.
"I am SUCH a jerk!" I yell wildly wishing things were different.
But they are different.
Those were just a few examples of agreements I used to make with the devil. I think one of the most important things I learned this year is how to consciously and continuously identify the devil's voice. So often I would say something about myself (especially the jerk comment) and not even think about where that comes from.
This is the important part! I KNOW that God would never say anything to bring me down. I mean, come on, we are his children. And as God, he knows how to love perfectly and would never do anything to harm us. As members of Creation, God looks at us and says "You are looking good." or even better, "hey, how you doin'?" He knew what I would look like and be like by today in my life, it's not as if I can surprise him, so everything that counters that very point by saying...
"You're not good enough." (not God's voice)
"You're not really loved." (Not God's voice!)
"Boy, you sure screwed that up." (NOT God's voice!!)
...is, as you may have noticed, NOT God's voice. And every time I say something that sounds like any of that stuff, what I'm really doing, and this is huge cause I just now learned it, is making agreements with the devil! WHY in the h-e-double-hockey-sticks would I want to do that?!
I also realized that the devil is doing this a lot. Once I really started paying attention to my thoughts, I realized there was actually a battle going on for them. The good part is, as Andrew Shearman says, "we win this thing." And realizing the lie is only the beginning. The next part is to speak the truth to it. Even if I don't feel like it may be true at that moment, it is so important to say the opposite: I AM loved, I AM beautiful, I AM honest, I AM patient, I AM..... whatever it needs to be.
I think I used to think that satan was just a litle defeated liar but now I realize satan is a little defeated liar who is Constantly lying to me! And it is time to take charge. We win this thing. And I am ready to charge out on the offense. I've seen the battle plays. I've experienced satan's tactics. And now I am ready to charge in, guns blazing, and take the victory. I have idly sat listening to the broken record that is satan for long enough. Those same things should not, cannot, and ultimately do not, have any hold on me.
One thing I enjoyed was that they are a story telling people group. In this picture Esther was sharing the story of how she and James met. This scene was often experienced because you had to take a seat whenever you asked anyone a question. They would weave a whole story of background details, thoughts, feelings, even a description of what they weather or day was like. 
Below is Tracy, our fearless leader; Me and Laurina.
